No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
