K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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