remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
