Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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