I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
