So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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