she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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