I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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