FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize