Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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