One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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