Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
