I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize