Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
