Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
