If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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