Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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