I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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