Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do herpes really smell.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
