I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
