so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
