I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
