If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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