i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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