Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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