Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
