She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
