Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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