you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
