I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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