it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
