I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
