Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
True college students do jello shots in the library
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