I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
