R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
