my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
