They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
