I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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