i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
