my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
