I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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