tell your sister to shave her snatch
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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