we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
