dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
