just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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