Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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