uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
