I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
