what day is it and did you see me today?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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