another moral hangover. fuck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
