dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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