I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
