the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
