so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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