dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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