It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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