Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
