Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
