I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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