'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
