Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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