The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Everyone says I win the strip club
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
