So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
