I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
