Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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