Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
