I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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